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Grizzly Man

The beard: Shave it or Leave it?

Shave it, and let us see your beautiful face! Leave it, go for the ZZ Top look! Shave it, but leave a goatee and sideburns - the Joe Dirt look is hot! Shave it, but leave lightning-shaped sideburns! Something completely different - Leave suggestions in the comments!

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Please Passover the Coke.

Apparently, for Passover, observant Jews don't eat certain grain products, including the ubiquitous High Fructose Corn Syrup.

This is a big deal! No Skittles! No Pop-Tarts! No soda?

At least Coca-Cola is trying to ease the burden by producing sugar-based Coke during passover rather than the normal corn-syrup based. Word through the grapevine is the sugar-based soda is so much better, you should try some, even if you're not observing Passover.

Look for bottle with yellow caps, and the OU-P symbol:


[image via off the broiler]

Because sugar makes everything better.

Todoist: I'm blaming it on the hangover.

Fri: Art After Dark @ Florida Theatre. $15 cover, $50 VIP. Event starts at 7. [AAD]
Fri: Love Brigade hosts a Charity Fashion Show @ Tera Nova. I know, I know, it's the Southside. But how many opporunities does one have to mention a guy who willingly calls himself "DJ Tiny Pants?" $15 cover, $25 VIP ($5 discount if purchased in advance). 8 p.m. [LB]
Sat: North Florida School hosts their annual Bachelor/Bachelorette Charity Auction @ Main Library. Sure, it's sort prostitution, but at least the proceeds go to a good cause. $50 cover, $150 VIP. Plus money to buy a man whore bachelor. Auction 6:30-10:30 p.m. [NFS]
Sat: Hipsters go monochromatic for the annual Black & White Ball @ TSI. Free Of Montreal tix for the best dressed. $5 cover. [TSI]
Sun: Of Montreal plays @ FreeBird Live. Doors @ 8, Show @ 9-ish. $12 tickets.

A very special Hump Day.

Today marks the 24th anniversary that Mommypolitan and Daddypolitan brought life into the world.

Celebrate little miss Jaxopolitan's B-Day at Burrito Gallery after work. Happy hour drinks until seven, inappropriate conversation and uproarious laughter until they kick us out.

Homophone-ic.

Sometimes spell check just doesn't get it right. We've all been there. A big fat typo that reads "form" instead of "from."

It sucks. Whatev.

Most of our mistakes don't get splashed across the front page of CNN.com, though.

I can't view the video on my work computer, so can someone verify that "Inmate Idle" really is a misspelled headline about singing prisoners, a la "American Idol," or is this really a video about a bunch of lazy convicts?

A movie for girls who like guy movies.

[image via That Other Blog]

300 opened at the San Marco Theatre last weekend. What better way to watch a quintessential guy movie than with a pizza and a pitcher of brew?

This movie has taken a lot of shit for its glorified and graphic violence, and linear plot. And that's okay. 300 wasn't made for the masses. It was made for the comic-book-reading Tarantino-loving guilty-pleasure-indulgers.

The only problem is, I don't feel guilty about taking pleasure in it.

Not as gruesome as Kill Bill v.1, but almost, guys will love this flick for the decapitations, refusal to back down (much less surrender), and raging testosterone.

Ladies, I know. Looking at the blood and guts is icky. But while they're fighting, they're doing so in little more than leather speedos and crimson capes. If you're doing payback from dragging your man to some shitty chick flick like Because I Said So, you might as well pick your battle, and have some serious eye candy.

Of course, the plot does glaze over a lot of the detail and intricacies of Sparta, and the battle itself. If at all possible, I suggest watching Last Stand of the 300 on the History Channel before watching the movie, as it is an excellent documentary and fills in the gaps.

A little History Channel to help you dork out, a little Hollywood to help you freak out - This has the makings of an excellent weekend.

What a Tool.

Progressive rock band Tool will grace Jacksonville with a stop on their Summer 2007 tour with a stop at the Veterans Memorial Arena on Saturday, June 2.

The band is touring in support of their most recent release, 10,000 Days, which has already sold 1.4+ million copies.

Tickets are available via TicketBastard, but all floor tickets have already sold out, so unless you want to get stuck in assigned seating, it's on to Craigslist.

This will be Tool's first stop in Florida in 5 years. Attendees from the Lateralus tour described it as a religious-like experience.

Nine Inch Nails last year, and Tool this year? Congrats, Jax, this little city is drawing some big names.

Throughout the ProJax.

Karenoke, for mimes.

Todoist: Benefit some charities, then mooch food off the land developer.

Thur: Thursday Night Drinking Club grunges it at Shantytown in Springfield. $5 donation benefits the Speech and Hearing Center of Jacksonville. One free PBR (Ohh, how hipster! How Ironic!) and $2 Yuenglings all night. 7 p.m. until last man standing.
Thur: Flux Productions hosts PB&J (Party, Benefit and Jam) with a handful of local performers. All proceeds benefit Jax Hubbard House. Ragland's in Five Points @ 8:30.
Fri: 300 opens at San Marco Theatre. I was actually worried I'd have to venture all the way to the Petri Dish Southside to see it.
Fri: El Topo, "The Definitive Cult Spaghetti Western" shows as the midnight movie at San Marco Theatre. Shows midnight-ish.
Sat: The Shipyards hosts a model opening shindig with refreshments and live music. Check out the model home, and dream of marrying up so you can afford to live there. The Shipyards @ 10 a.m.-5 p.m.

Caution: prescription side effects include shattered eardrums.

[Photo by David Lawson. View additional photos from 3.10.07]

I've seen a lot of local bands.

I grew up in Orlando, FL, less than half an hour away from Full Sail: a school with a student body better known for heroin addiction than musical talent. Orlando is the heroin capital of the United States, after all.

Thus, not only have I seen a lot of local bands, but I've seen a lot of shitty local bands. I generally have a very low expectations.

So, imagine my surprise when I walked into a show two weekends ago, and actually said to a friend, "How late are we? There's no way this is the opening band."

How delightful to be wrong.

I walked in to see Atlanta post-nü metal band Haloscript exhibiting stage presence, musical intensity, and crowd command like snake charmers at the edge of a serpent pit.

Well, mostly. Sometimes even the best snake charmers get taken by surprise.

Formerly known as Headcheck, Haloscript recently emerged from the recording studio with a refined sound, a new album, and a new name.

"We changed our name because we wanted to emerge from the studio with a fresh image to reflect our fresh sound," said singer Dust Johnson.

The fresh sound Dust refers to formed during several months spent in the studio recording with Clint Lowery (Sevendust, Dark New Day) and Corey Lowery (Stereomud, Dark New Day), time spent polishing what the band started.

"We had a lot of great ideas, but no cohesive sound. You could absolutely tell the difference between songs written by different members of the band," Dust said.

Now, Haloscript has a solid sound they're preparing to release within coming months. They've recorded the album, sent it to Rodney Mills for mastering, and will release it simultaneously with a web site launch, MySpace page re-design, and tour of the Eastern US.

Meanwhile, songs Atlanta in Ashes (featuring Morgan Rose of Sevendust) and Scarlet Canvas are available via Haloscript's MySpace page. Upon release, the album will be available through the band's website and via CDbaby.com. Select Clearchannel affiliates will support the upcoming single.

Currently determining tour dates for the Spring and Summer, Haloscript plans to visit Jacksonville in May. Which is lucky for us: as is the case with most alternative metal and nü metal bands, the album is good, but the live show is where it's at.

March 10, Haloscript opened for Sevendust, In Vitro and Diecast at the Atlanta stop of Sevendust's Alpha Tour.

During Haloscript's set, water splashed onto the sound board, located behind the crowd. Initially, nobody knew exactly what happened, but assumed that Haloscript was playing at the time, thus were responsible.

Afterwards, the band was cleared. Video taken that night shows no wrongdoing; a member of the crowd, not a member of the band, grabbed a water bottle from the stage and tossed it back.

Since the incident, Haloscript made sure the bands affected by the night's events harbor no hard feelings. According to Dust, everyone understands it was a fluke accident.

Which is excellent for everyone involved.

Because Haloscript is a band ready to make some noise. And, I assure you, they are well-equipped to do so.

-

Haloscript is a five-piece Rock/Metal band based in Marietta, GA. Members include Dustin "Dust" Johnson (vocals), "Saint" Andrew Woods (guitar, vocals), Jamison Wathen (bass), Charlotte Kelli (keyboard, vocals), and Lance Adair (drums).

District Branding, the musical!

Two weeks ago, AIGA Jax hosted The District Branding Event with Bennett Peji to a full capacity crowd at Burrito Gallery.

For those who missed the event, Photos and Podcast are now available.

Drink and fight, don't drink and drive. That's the Irish way!

Oh, how I love Saint Patrick's Day. It's a time to celebrate the little guy from Lucky Charms, pinch some hottie ass, and generally be a drunken wretch without judgement.

Because of this fact, AAA is again offering Tow To Go service for us drunken wretches who just can't say no to another shot of Patron.

Also known as Tipsy Tow, all you have to do is call 800.AAA.HELP (800.222.4351) and they'll hook you up with a participating wrecker company who will tow both your Faux-Irish ass and your car home. Assuming you remember where you live.

The service is free to AAA members and nonmembers alike, and is available Friday and Saturday.

[AAA]

Todoist: Beware the Ides of March. Nah, beware drunk kiddies two days after.

Thur: AIGA Jax hosts Cocktails and Creatives at Fionn McCool's Irish Pub. After work until last man standing. [AIGA] | [MCL]
Fri: Some bull named Martin is having a birthday shindig at Burrito Gallery. Expect the usual suspects. [BG]
Sat: Amatuer Night Saint Patty's Day is held throughout the city and beaches. The beaches are always a clusterfuck, so I suggest a little Burrito Gallery/London Bridge/Bay Street action. [BG] | [LB] | [TSI]

The Beer Belly: For men with guts.

Summer's coming soon. Which means, in addition to constant bitching about global climate changes, fist fights over the perpetual argument of heat versus humidity, and assholes asking, "Hot enough for ya?" There will be some pretty excellent summer festival concerts and outdoor events.

The only problem is, after paying for admission and parking, who can afford to drink $6 beers all day?

The Beerbelly fixes all that. A polyurethane bladder attaches to your midsection, creating a stealth compartment for carrying more than a six-pack of hooch. Sure, you'll look like a fat bastard, but your beer-induced sense of self confidence will overcompensate for that.

Ladies, if drinking while looking preggers isn't your thing, fear not! Currently under development is the Wine Rack, a bra that performs miracles of all sorts! Because seriously, what's hotter than a drunk girl with big ta-tas?

Critical Mass.

[click to enlarge]

It's funny because it's true.

Creative minds think alike.

Adobe: The Creative Mind.

Explore your world.

Life imitating news imitating life.

The above clipping from this week's Folio (which cites my Feburary 27 post) is currently hanging in up the First Coast News studio.

I like to imagine it's stuck to the refrigerator with an alphabet magnet and little gold star stickers. Because "local media gold" really deserves a gold star or two. [FCN] | [FW]

Have your city, and eat it, too!

[click image to enlarge]

Jacksonville Skyline cake from last night's District Branding Event. Note the Haydon-Burns Library, Main Street Bridge, and Modis Building.

Best Artwalk Ever?

With a Farmer's Almanac and a lucky 4-leaf clover, you couldn't pick a more perfect day for an Artwalk. If you have the ability to leave work early and sit outside today, I strongly suggest.

See everyone tonight!

Yeah, she'll remember that affair.

Note to Jacksonville Magazine:

Perhaps using a headline that not only mentions "affair" in reference to marriage, but is actually the title of a classic movie where two people leave their fiancées for each other- Well, maybe that's not the seed you want to plant in the mind of a Bridezilla.

Todoist: With a week like this, who needs weekends?

Tues: C10 honors co-owner/DJ/pastry chef J-BAD's birthday. Attendance is by invitation only. After work until last man standing. [C10]
Wed: Downtown Vision hosts everyone's favorite freeloading activity, Artwalk. Snag wine and munchies at galleries and shops throughout the urban core. [DVI]
Wed: Artwalk is punctuated by The District Branding Event, held upstairs at Burrito Gallery. Only 75 seats, after that admission is standing-room-only. Reception @ 6, Lecture @ 7. [PRV] | [AIGA]

Dork out!

If you're not familiar with arguably the best animated series of my childhood, Freakazoid! Allow me to give you just enough info to get you by:

Nerd has superhero powers only when he shouts, "FREAK OUT!" and turns into Freakazoid.

Well, I have similar powers. Allow me to demonstrate:

Jaxopolitan has supernerd powers when she shouts, "DORK OUT!"

Tomorrow there will be a lunar eclipse from 22:44 to 23:57 GMT (5:44-6:57 Jax time). The eclipse will also cause the moon prior and after to turn blood red. How freakin' awesome is that?

Hope for clear, red, awesome skies! [NSS]

Beer helps maintain your deluded sense of self-confidence.

Todoist: Low-Key weekend in preparation for the best Artwalk ever.

Fri: Roll James Bond-style at Impact Jax's Vegas Night. Casino games, Elvis impersonators, free hors d’oeuvres and cash bar. No cover. Reception @ 7:30, Casino @ 9 @ Downtown Hyatt. [IMPCTJX]
Sat: San Marco Theatre shows the bat-shit crazy David Lynch film Mulholland Dr. as the Midnight Movie. [SMT]