Things I learned in Miami.

- Girls rollarblading in bikinis is not a stereotype. It is a way of life.
- Crosswalks are a suggestion. Only tourists obey them.
- So are red lights.
- Not running red lights will get you honked at.
- When you see the man riding his bike down the street with a rooster on the back, wait until you're out of earshot to mention, "nice cock."
- If a bar has $4 mojitos and is in South Beach, it's a gay bar.
- If a bar is playing Madonna and it is in South Beach, it's a gay bar.
- Men: The line, "I'm from the sex institute. We like to have lots of sex." Will not get you laid.
- Men: Neither will, "When I saw your body, I wanted to be in it."
- Women: "So why are you single?" "I'm a complete bitch." Will.
- If the hotel pool and beach access are 24 hour, you will find people drinking and swimming 24 hours.
- There no glass is allowed on the pool deck. A handle of rum in a plastic bottle is.
- One can lose 3 pounds in 5 days by eating a light breakfast, a hearty lunch, and rum and coke for supper.
- If your flight is at 7 a.m., and you don't leave the hotel until 6 a.m., you will sleep on the airport floor until 3 p.m.
- Macaroni and cheese with tomatoes, scrambled eggs with maple syrup and a glass of milk will help with the headache part of a hangover.
- It will not help with the nausea part of a hangover.
- Never make fun of a friend with a Saturday morning hangover when the likelihood is high you will have a hangover on Sunday.