Sexy thoughts.

The BBC has created an online quiz testing if your brain works more like one sex versus the other. It take about 15-ish minutes, and will tell you if you think more like a man or woman.

Finally, proof of what I've been saying for years: I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body. [BBC]

When did SNL get funny again?

It's the client! Run!

Party like a movie star, don't get arrested like one.

Driving drunk sucks. It takes a lot of effort, getting stopped by the police is horrible, and the possibility of hurting someone (self included) is scary.

Because of this fact, AAA is again offering Tow To Go service for us drunken wretches who just can't say no to another shot of Patron.

Also known as Tipsy Tow, all you have to do is call 800.AAA.HELP (800.222.4351) and they'll hook you up with a participating wrecker company who will tow both your drunk ass and your car home. Assuming you remember where you live.

The service is free to AAA members and nonmembers alike, and runs through the first of the year.

This way when you call your driver "Sugartits" it won't be a matter of public record. [AAA]

Newsish: Freudian shits. I mean, slips.

"Semi Spills Load On S.R. 207" I have a friend who's a journalist. Sometimes, she writes double-entendres into her articles, just to see if the editors are paying attention. First Coast News, your news leader. [FCN]
There's a fine line between chic and cliche. An article that starts, "We're achin' for Clay," and only gets worse from there doesn't cross the line. It does a mexican hat dance on its grave. [T-U]
Men everywhere rejoice as an Ormond Beach judge declares that a woman didn't break disorderly conduct law by flashing her breasts. Men then stop celebrating upon remembering what the women of Bike Week look like. [N4J]
All things considered, I think the previous articles were way dirtier than the one that's actually about sex acts. [FCN]

The Jerk Store called. They're running out of you.

This week's midnight movie at San Marco Theatre is The Jerk. Rumor has it they'll even have pizza in a cup.

Shows @ 12 Friday night, 1AM Saturday Night. [SMT]

Newsish: Po-Po-Po!

What's the only thing worse than getting popped for speeding?

Getting a ticket from some douchebag dressed like an elf.[L6]

Cocktive. A beautiful, but often noisy breed of alcoholic. Habitats include agencies, marketing departments, and bars.

AIGA Jacksonville hosts this month's Cocktails & Creatives at Copelands Restaurant & Bar on the Southside. C&Cs run from post-work (6ish) to last man standing. [AIGA]

C&C is a great opportunity to network with design professionals in a social setting. Or, you could just get drunk, tell the asshole who reviewed your portfolio what you really think of him, and then apologize by splitting a bananas foster.

Not that I would know anything about that.

UPDATED: Life is a Masquerade.

You have barely two weeks left to make plans for where you're celebrating New Years Eve. There's the uber-pricey option of the Ritz-Carlton in Amelia, or you can grunge it at TSI.

A fabulous option (that won't break the bank) is to check out Beaux Arts Ball at 9th and Main. Hosted by Jacksonville's AIA chapter, this years' party will be an Urban-Eden themed masquerade ball. As if making out with a complete stranger isn't fun enough, now you don't even have to see their face!

Heavy hors d'ouvres, drink tickets and a midnight champagne toast are all included in the $75 ticket price. Proceeds benefit the Mellen C. Greeley Foundation. [BAB]

UPDATE: Music to be provided by DJ Paul Zimmerman, of POP! Thursdays @ Eclipse and Good Fridays @ 9th & Main. [DJPZ]

For the love of Santa.

Sorry for the lack of posts last week. There was a whole lotta hangover going on.

At Artwalk last week, I caught The Santaland Diaries at MOCA. It's a one-man, one-act play written by David Sedaris, author and brother of the tragically funny Amy Sedaris.

The play runs about 50 minutes, and chronicles Sedaris' short-lived career of Macy's Elf. It's bitter, mean, silly, and fabulous.

If you have ever at any time of your life worked retail, you will love it. If you have never worked retail, but feel empathy for the poor employees who get yelled at for not having a XXXXL miniskirt in yellow, you will like it. If you are the psychotic woman yelling because you want the XXXXL miniksirt in yellow, you will think it's wretched and tasteless.

But when you're trying to locate a 4X miniskirt, tastelessness really is in the eye of the beholder, isn't it?

The Santaland Diaries hosts performances this week on Wednesday (12.13), and next week Tuesday-Thursday (12.19-12.21). Performances are at 7:30. [MOCA]

Newsish: Not the brightest knife in the drawer. Wait, what?

Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! What about a video game? [FCN]
Journalistic integrity means refusing to compromise your standards. Such as using the phrase "Crotch-Shot" in a headline. [FCN]
It's true, oh, it's true. Public school kids are dumb as rocks. [N4J]

Todoist: The key to not waking up with a hangover is to stay drunk.

Tues: Celebrate Repeal Day by supporting your favorite watering hole.
Tues: Spend the holiday with people you actually like. Peppermint Party @ C10. Attendance by invitation only. [C10]
Wed: Pub Crawl Art Walk Downtown. [DVI]
Thurs: Field Trip down to Saint Augustine for the semi-annual Graphic Design Portfolio Show, followed by excessive celebration. Portfolio Show @ 7 @ Flagler College Auditorium. Binge drinking @ 9ish @ Giggling Gator. [FC]
Fri: Enjoy some late-week post-artwalk action in Riverside at the opening of the new Jane Gray Gallery. 6-9 @ 643 Edison Ave. [CultCoun]

It's an elforcism!

Most companies set up a couple mini-sites for the holidays or special events, hoping to go viral. OfficeMax is playing the law of large numbers, creating about a dozen mini-sites, including reindeer arm wrestling, ugly sweater making, ice carving, etc. At least one of them has to take off, right?

Elf Yourself is that mini-site. Upload your (or even better, someone else's: see the Honorable Mayor John Peyton above) photo and create an elf who does a little jig. Supposedly, you can even add sound and make the elf talk, too, but I've yet to be successful in that venture.

Go Elf Yourself! [EY]

Riverside goes both ways.

Post and College Streets in Riverside, formerly both one-way streets, are now two-way streets.

The Pizza Palace on the corner of Margaret and Post should be a prime watching area for the inevitable carnage that results from people forgetting about the new two-ways status.